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Richard Cecil (1748-1810). The Influence of the Parental Character. David J. Brewer, et al., eds. 1900. The World's Best Essays

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Richard Cecil (1748-1810). The Influence of the Parental Character. David J. Brewer, et al., eds. 1900. The World's Best Essays Dictionary Biographies Literary Criticism Welcome Terms of Service ⧏ Previous Next ⧐ Contents Bibliographic Record David J. Brewer, et al., eds.  The World’s Best Essays.  1900. The Influence of the Parental Character
By Richard Cecil (1748–1810) THE INFLUENCE of the parental character on children is not to be calculated. Everything around has an influence on us. Indeed, the influence of things is so great that, by familiarity with them, they insensibly urge us on principles and feelings which we before abhorred. I knew a man who took in a democratical paper only to laugh at it. But, at length, he had read the same things again and again so often that he began to think there must be some truth in them; and that men and measures were really such as they were so often said to be. A drop of water seems to have no influence on the stone; but it will, in the end, wear its way through. If there be, therefore, such a mighty influence in everything around us, the parental influence must be great indeed.

1   Consistency is the great character, in good parents, which impresses children. They may witness much temper; but if they see their father “keep the even tenor of his way,” his imperfections will be understood and allowed for, as reason opens. The child will see and reflect on his parent’s intention: and this will have great influence on his mind. This influence may, indeed, be afterwards counteracted; but that only proves that contrary currents may arise and carry the child another way. Old Adam may be too strong for young Melanchthon.

2   The implantation of principles is of unspeakable importance, especially when culled from time to time out of the Bible. The child feels his parent’s authority supported by the Bible, and the authority of the Bible supported by his parent’s weight and influence. Here are data—fixed data. A man can very seldom get rid of these principles. They stand in his way. He wishes to forget them, perhaps; but it is impossible.

3   Where parental influence does not convert, it hampers. It hangs on the wheels of evil. I had a pious mother who dropped things in my way. I could never rid myself of them. I was a professed infidel: but then I liked to be an infidel in company, rather than when alone. I was wretched when by myself. These principles and maxims and data spoiled my jollity. With my companions I could sometimes stifle them: like embers, we kept one another warm. Besides, I was here a sort of hero. I had beguiled several of my associates into my own opinions, and I had to maintain a character before them. But I could not divest myself of my better principles…. Parental influence thus cleaves to a man: it harasses him—it throws itself continually in his way.

4   I find in myself another evidence of the greatness of parental influence. I detect myself to this day in laying down maxims in my family, which I took up at three or four years of age, before I could possibly know the reason of the thing.

5   It is of incalculable importance to obtain a hold on the conscience. Children have a conscience; and it is not seared, though it is evil. Bringing the eternal world into their view—planning and acting with that world before us—this gains, at length, such a hold on them, that, with all the infidel poison which they may afterward imbibe, there are few children, who at night—in their chamber—in the dark—in a storm of thunder—will not feel. They cannot cheat like other men. They recollect that eternity which stands in their way. It rises up before them, like the ghost of Banquo to Macbeth. It goads them; it thunders in their ears. After all they are obliged to compound the matter with conscience, if they cannot be prevailed on to return to God without delay;—I must be religious one time or other. That is clear, I cannot get rid of this thing. Well! I will begin at such a time. I will finish such a scheme, and then!

6   The opinions—the spirit—the conversation—the manners of the parent, influence the child. Whatever sort of man he is, such, in a great degree, will be the child; unless constitution or accident give him another turn. If the parent be a fantastic man—if he be a genealogist, know nothing but who married such a one and who married such a one—if he be a sensualist, a low wretch—his children will usually catch these tastes. If he be a literary man—his very girls will talk learnedly. If he be a griping, hard, miserly man—such will be his children. This I speak of as generally the case. It may happen that the parent’s disposition may have no ground to work on in that of the child. It may happen that the child may be driven into disgust; the miser, for instance, often implants disgust, and his son becomes a spendthrift.

7   After all, in some cases, perhaps, everything seems to have been done and exhibited by the pious parent in vain. Yet he casts his bread upon the waters. And, perhaps, after he has been in his grave twenty years, his son remembers what his father told him.

8   Besides, parental influence must be great, because God has said that it shall be so. The parent is not to stand reasoning and calculating; God has said that his character shall have influence.

9   And this appointment of Providence becomes often the punishment of a wicked man. Such a man is a complete selfist. I am weary of hearing such men talk about their “family”—and their “family”—they “must provide for their family.” Their family has no place in their real regard. They push for themselves. But God says—“No! You think your children shall be so and so. But they shall be rods for your own backs. They shall be your curse. They shall rise up against you.” The most common of all human complaints is—“parents groaning under the vices of their children!” This is all the effect of parental influence.

10   In the exercise of this influence there are two leading dangers to be avoided.

11   Excess of severity is one danger. My mother, on the contrary, would talk to me, and weep as she talked. I flung out of the house with an oath—but wept too when I got into the street. Sympathy is the powerful engine of a mother. I was desperate: I would go on board a privateer. But there are soft moments to such desperadoes. God does not once abandon them to themselves. There are times when the man says—“I should be glad to return: but I should not like to meet that face!” if he has been treated with severity.

12   Yet excess of laxity is another danger. The case of Eli affords a serious warning on this subject. Instead of his mild expostulation on the flagrant wickedness of his sons,—“Nay, my sons, it is no good report that I hear,”—he ought to have exercised his authority as a parent and magistrate in punishing and restraining their crimes.

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